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" In
marriage there are no manners to keep up, and
beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism.
Each is familiar with that ancient child in the
other who may erupt again.... We are not ridiculous
to ourselves. We are ageless. That is the luxury of
the wedding ring." |
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" Many
marriages are simply working partnerships between
businessmen and housekeepers." |
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" A
fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he
spends with his girl till after they're married." |
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" A
psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your
wife asks for nothing." |
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" A
question asked in a Surrey school exam went: "Why do
cocks crow early every morning?" A twelve-year-old
replied: "My dad says they have to make the most of
it while the hens are asleep." |
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" A
man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is
married." |
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"
Marriage is a meal where the soup is better than the
dessert." |
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" Most
wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts
with whom they happen to be in love." |
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" For
two people in a marriage to live together day after
day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican
has overlooked." |
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" I
have learned that only two things are necessary to
keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's
having her own way. And second, let her have it." |
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"
Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a
strictly private intention." |
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" Some
marriages break up, and some do not, and in our
world you can usually explain the former better than
the latter." |
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" My
mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be
a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and
a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other
two and take care of the bedroom bit." |
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" The
marriage state, with or without the affection
suitable to it, is the completest image of Heaven
and Hell we are capable of receiving in this life." |
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"
Adultery is the application of democracy to love." |
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"
Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two
persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass
and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or
until death do them join." |
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" When
a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many
men for the inattention of one." |
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" In
the long run wives are to be paid in a peculiar coin
- consideration for their feelings. As it usually
turns out this is an enormous, unthinkable inflation
few men will remit, or if they will, only with a
sense of being overcharged." |
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"
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay
down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't
even lay down his newspaper to talk to you." |
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"
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If
you live through it, you start looking very
carefully to the right and to the left." |
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" Marriage
changes passion - suddenly you're in bed with a
relative." |
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" It
is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail.
All that marriage does is to show people up." |
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" The
view that a peptic ulcer may be the hole in a man's
stomach through which he crawls to escape from his
wife has fairly wide acceptance." |
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"
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes
better than the dinner." |
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" I've
been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and
neither one would take the garbage out." |
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"
Often the difference between a successful marriage
and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three
or four things a day unsaid." |
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