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" My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said."

" I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late."
" Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without."
" I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all."
" The chief reason why marriage is rarely a success is that it is contracted while the partners are insane."
" Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade."
" We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It's called love."
" It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight."
" Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress."
" Mother-in-law: a woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers."
" Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie."
" How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."
" Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl."
" Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition."
" Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is."
" Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
" Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence."
" Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space."
" There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first."
" When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
" It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others."
" Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast."
" Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman."
" Never strike your wife - even with a flower."
" The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character."
" The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less."

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